


I know now, I know now (and it's too damn late)

by nothingbutasheet



Series: In between [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Child Abuse, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-16 05:56:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1334530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingbutasheet/pseuds/nothingbutasheet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of a world he could never have, never touch and  most certainly never live in.</p><p>This is a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know now, I know now (and it's too damn late)

"He's looking at you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"No. No he _is_. Look! He keeps glancing here."

"Maybe he's looking at someone else and you just need glasses." Tony punched Loki in the arm and grabbed his burger again.

"You're a fucking idiot.", Loki said and rubbed what would surely soon turn blue.

"Well, if you'd look at my IQ it would certainly prove the exact opposite.", Tony smirked. "Just say it. You want him to look at you, don't you?"

"Shut your mouth, you imbecile."

"You always get so defensive, when it comes to admitting something. I like that about you."

"I don't want him to look at me. By the way, you know, who you should be looking at? Blond, bulky and blue-eyed, over there."

"I already am."

"Fuck you. Not at Thor. At your boyfriend. If you keep staring at Thor like this, Steve'll come over and..." In the middle of his sentence Loki abruptly halted, because Thor smiled at him and he was sure, he just got as red as the walls of Natasha's bedroom. Tony had the most shit eating grin on his face and it earned him another fist, this time on his leg.

"Fuck off.", Loki hissed "Don't you have anywhere to be where you're wanted?"

On the spot Steve lifted his big rugby-player body from the bench and made his way over to them.

"And there he goes. Go and meet him half way. I have absolutely no desire to talk to the massive waste of space that's your boyfriend."

"Watch your tounge, jerk.", Tony answered. He got up anyway and started collecting his stuff. Before he was off he casually tossed over his shoulder "By the way. He's looking at you again."

Loki just turned his head a bit to get a good look on Thor, who was talking to someone.

"No, he's not.", he mumbled to himself.

 

**»»««**

 

"Do you know what's curious?", Natasha asked.

"No, what is?", Loki asked back.

"Our colours are just the way we see them because of the very specific way light breaks. Therefore every galaxy has its own colours. Because every galaxy has it's own sun."

"That's cool." Loki stretched his legs on Natasha's bed. They had been studying chemistry for about an hour already and Loki was starting to get hungry.

"Do you know what's cool, too?"

"What?"

"The way Thor Odinson looks at you."

"Why does everybody think he's looking at me? Just get your brains out of the gutter and start thinking of things that actually matter.", he snapped 

Loki knew Thor didn't have girlfriend, but that didn't automatically mean, that Thor was horny for a kid one year his junior. Besides, what would make Thor actually want him? Him. Loki? He had absolutely nothing on him that was desirable. He wore tight black jeans and an oversized hoodie. He had two parallel lip piercings. Normally no one noticed him. If anything they picked on him. It was the normal high school drama. Loki didn't really mind much. There were the ones that mattered, was it because of their parents money (like Tony, who threw the biggest houseparties), or because of their girlfriends (like Clint, who was a quite talented football player, but only popular because Natasha was hot), or because of their talent in sports (like Steve, who was gay, but didn't get picked on for it, because he would kill them with his right ring finger, if they insulted Tony), or the ones who had everything and were just drop dead gorgeous (like Thor). And then there were the Loki's. He didn't bother to find a name for them, because Loki apparently already embodied all the traits for a 'loser'. He was smart, gay, lanky, sarcastic and had a talent for finding people's soft spots and using them to his advantage. 

"Loki, I really think you ought to give it a try. What can it hurt?", she continued.

"My pride, my bones, my internal organs, my reputation, as the person no one really knows, shall I go on?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"Don't be such a coward. If you're never taking risks, what will become of you?"

"A psychopathic mass murderer?", he replied. She just gave him an incredulous look and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm hungry.", he said after a pause.

"I'll give you something to eat, if you tell Thor you like him." She wrote several solutions on her paper and then looked at him again.

"That's blackmail! You can't do that!"

"Watch me. So will you?", she asked.

"No I won't.", he answered.

 

**»»««**

 

Loki closed his locker and made his way to his next class. The books in his arms were heavy, but he would manage.

"Shall I help you?", a coy voice from behind him spoke up. Loki turned around to look Thor into his face.

"No.", he said and started walking again. Thor just laughed and followed him.

"Listen, I was just wondering, if you would like to come over this weekend? My parents are out of town and I'm giving a party."

"What?", Loki turned again, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"There's a party at my house this weekend and I was wondering--"

" _No_. That's not what I meant. I meant. What. Just...What do you want from me excactly?"

"Well... I wanted to invite you to my party. _This Saturday. At my house_." Thor started slowly.

"No. Why? Why? I mean-- Why?  _Why?_ Why would you do that? You never invited me to anything. I don't even know you! We never spoke to each other. We never conversed casually on the hallway. We have _one_ class together, for god's sake!" Loki started at Thor somehow demanding an answer.

"I just... I don't know what to say now." And with that Loki continued to walk to his math class, leaving a dumbfounded Thor standing around, with an open mouth and gaping like a fish.

He just murmured to himself: "No, you don't."

 

**»»««**

 

Tony and Loki were sitting on the roof of Loki's red Honda, smoking and talking about nothing in particular. Until Loki told him about his meeting with Thor.

"I don't understand you." Tony began, after Loki finished talking.

"You don't have to understand me.", Loki said simply.

"You turned an invitation to the hottest party of the month down, just to keep up your appearance."

" _And_ stroke my ego, don't forget that point.", Loki answered.

"You, Loki Laufeyson, are the biggest idiot in existence." Tony flicked his cigarette to the ground and jumped down.

"C'mon get your ass down here. I have to meet Steve in half an hour."

"I thought we established, that you were the idiot, Tony. I just don't want to throw myself at the feet of some boy, just because he asks nicely." He fumbled with the rivet and buckles on his boots.

"Maybe you should have just said yes. Now you never know what would have happened."

Loki got down from the car, too, sat in front of the wheel and started the engine.

"No, I shouldn't have."

 

**»»««**

 

"Having come to that conclusion, the question of _"Is it real, if we see it"_ can't be answered,...." The noises of the teacher were drowned out in Loki's mind and melded together to a non-understandable mush in his brain.

A little piece of paper hit the back of his head. He didn't mind it. It happened oftener than he would like to admit, that some assholes from his class thought they had to annoy him.

"Hey."

Turned out, _not_ to be an asshole, who wanted to torment him. Thor started to make a habit of talking to him from behind.

"What?" Loki turned around and looked at him.

"Will you come to my party?"

Turned to _be_ in fact an asshole, who wanted to torment him.

"No." Loki was on the verge of just standing up and walking out of the class.

"Why not?"

"Because you gave me no reason to."

"Do you need a reason to have fun?"

"No, I need a reason to come to your house."

"Do you think, you would come to the party if it was Stark's?" Loki didn't bother turning around again. Not that their teacher would have noticed, but he wanted to stay strong.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he's my best friend. He talks to me on a frequent basis and he doesn't just stare at me from the other side of the room like a creep."

"Sorry about the staring thing." Well at least it was a step forward to admit the obvious.

"Doesn't matter. Just stop it."

"So... Will you come?" The bell rung and Loki was mad at himself for not taking any more notes.

He packed up his things and turned one last time to say: "No, I won't."

 

**»»««**

 

On Wednesday Loki came to his locker to find a note inside, that said 'Come to the rugby field. I have taken your chemistry book as a hostage and I will use it.' He sighed. His class started in 20 minutes. What harm can it do, he thought and made his way to the field.

Big mistake. And not only _that_ was big. Because, so was the banner which said:

**'COME TO MY PARTY AND MAKE ME A LUCKY BOY, LOKI LAUFEYSON'**

"Oh god no.", Loki muttered.

Thor came out from behind the banner and shouted over to Loki: "So what do you say?!"

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!"

"No, Loki Laufeyson, the time for jokes is long since over! Why don't you come to my party?"

Loki was starting to feel awkward about standing around and getting shouted at. "If I say yes, will you finally stop following me around?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you are amazing!"

"You don't even know me!"

Thor was grinning like a lunatic. "I'm trying to get to know you! And you could start by coming to my party! So will you?!"

Loki started to laugh. "Yeah.", he smiled.

"You've been an idiot to refuse me!"

"No, I haven't, you selfish prick!"

 

**»»««**

 

Loki walked around in his room. Nervously. Anxiously. Talking to Tony over the phone.

"He had a fucking banner, Tony! I can't believe that! Isn't that a bit much? It is, isn't it? Isn't it? He pressured me! I couldn't say no!"

"Well, it takes a bit to get you. I think that's a good message, that you brought over..."

"There was no message to bring over!"

"Yes there was. It was 'Look at me, I'm damn hot for you, but I refuse to let my undying love come in the way of emancipation.'."

Loki tried on a pair of black jeans, before noticing those were the same he wore every day. Deciding he didn't need to impress anyone, he just left them on. A dark blue shirt did the trick and rounded his look off.

"Now you're overreacting. I never said anything about undying love. Or that I am hot for him. Just... Just shut up for a minute, okay? You said I had to go, too!" Loki was a bit annoyed by the whole argument.

"What is your problem? I'll be there the whole time, too!"

"I don't want him to..." He didn't even really know himself. He didn't even know, if he wanted Thor. He still told himself, he would never have said yes, if Thor wouldn't have hung up that fucking damn hell of a banner.

"...use you?", Tony said quietly.

"... _mess around with me_. I don't want that."

He ended the call without saying goodbye. Tony understood.

 

**»»««**

 

It was just past 10 pm and the party was already roaring. He tried to squeeze himself through the near claustrophobic mass of people. Some electro swing song was blasting over the massive speakers. It was good, but not Loki's taste. He spotted Thor through the crowd and tried to fight his way over the dance floor.

"Loki!", Thor tried to shout at him, but the sound didn't quite reach Loki's ears.

"Uhm... Hi.", Loki said, when he finally reached Thor. He was standing in the open kitchen beside the living room.

"How are you?"

"...fine. I'm not sure, if I should say thank you for inviting me. You practically forced me to come around."

"I like to think I'm just very persuasive."

"You're _really_ not." Thor laughed at that and touched Loki's arm. He didn't know, if he thought it felt good.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Sure."

A small blonde with big breasts and a supposedly small brain, came over to talk to Thor. She touched his biceps and ran the other hand down his chest. It made Loki feel weird. It wasn't the feeling of jealousy, more like... Feeling forgotten. Thor had immediately wound his attention up to her and let him out of his view entirely. When she finally went away with a little wink, Thor's attention was fixed on him again.

"What do you want to drink? We have all kinds of stuff. Just tell the guy at the bar."

Was Thor trying to get rid of him? After all the 'persuasion' he'd done, he would just say 'Hi!' and then be off?

"Uhm... yeah. Will do." And then he was gone. Carried away by the grinding, bumping mass. Thor just grinned at him and gave a little wave, with the hand, that wasn't occupied with yet another nameless girl. Maybe he was just here, because Thor needed to play cat and mouse with someone. He got a vodka-o from the bar and stayed there, leaning against the mahogany wood.

"Hey!" Tony walked over to him and clapped him on the back.

"Hi. Did you bring Steve?"

"Uhm, yeah. Why do you ask? You never ask after Steve... What happened?" Tony looked at him, with concern filling his big brown eyes.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. I just arrived.", Loki quickly said.

"Oh-Kay... Hey, Steve! Come over!" He waved Steve over. The moment he was here, he greeted Tony. With a kiss. And _what a kiss_ , dear god. It wasn't a chaste 'Hi, darling, nice to see you'-kiss. Oh _no_. This was a full 'if I don't have you in two minutes in a bedroom, I'll undress you in front of your innocent friend'-Sex-kiss. Loki was sure that when he saw tounges, he threw up a little. Tony's hand was resting on Steve's neck and the other one, was riding dangerously low on his thight and began rubbing circles there. Loki began to wonder wether one of them would need air in the forseeable future. When they did come up, from their war of tounges, Steve began a forced conversation.

"Hey, Loki.", he began.

"Hi, Steve.", Loki said, with amusment flinging in his eyes.

"So, what's up?" Every cell in Loki's mind right now was going against answering the trivial question and just tell them to shove off.

"Not much."

"Okay..." And then they stood around for, what seemed like the longest three minutes of the black haired teen's short life.

"This conversation is so damn awkward. I know you want to go. Well then, scatter to the winds, my darlings, I'll be okay.", he said eventually.

"You sure?", Tony said dubiously.

"Oh, I have rarely been surer of anything.", Loki ensured.

"I'll see you later, okay? Don't get into any trouble."

"I won't, I prom--", Loki started, but was interrupted rather rudely, from a smiling Thor.

"Hey, Loki... I'm sorry for Jessica back there. She's a bit... _touch-y_."

"Oh, well now that you have _Thor_ for company, you won't be needing us anymore, right?"

Loki threw Tony a withering look and gave Thor a tight lipped smile. "No, I guess not.", he said.

"Well, then we'll be off. Steve wanted to show me,... that thing anyway. Right Steve?" Tony nudged the blond's elbow with his own.

"Yeah, that's right. C'mon, in fact I'll show it to you right now." He took the brown eyed boy's hand and they were gone.

Loki made mental note, to castrate Tony later. "Would you care to dance?", Thor asked.

Loki just snorted and pointed his finger at the moving crowd. "I hardly think that the grinding they do, qualifies as dancing."

Thor just grinning cheekily and took another swing from his beer. "Very well then: would you care to grind?"

Loki discussed that with himself for minute. Thor had just left him alone in mass of people, where he didn't know anyone. But it was just a dance after all. It didn't mean anything. Thor would probably just take the next girl to bed, this evening. He was just being nice. Yeah. That's it. Thor was just being nice and wanted to integrate Loki. It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Nichts. Rien.

"Oh fuck this. Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. Let's go, before another shitty song comes up." Loki drained his glass and grabbed Thor's hand in full confidence. The blond just stumbled behind him and barely had time to put his beer down, before he was dragged onto the dance floor. The song had just started and Loki was happy, that they didn't have to... grind to a crappy song. Grind. Did that imply thrusting of hips and being back to front and groping and... His thoughts didn't reach a further destination, before Thor had grabbed his hips and turned him around. So apparently it did mean being back to front. Thor's hands rested on his hips and his face was hidden in Loki's neck. The heat radiating off the people around them was incredible and the music resounded loud in his ears.

He was feeling light headed and he thought, that maybe some people didn't smoke outside but inside. His head swam and his thoughts raced, as Thor grabbed Loki's hand and placed it on the back of his head. The rhythmic beat was beginning to take his limbs over and he moved like his life depended on it. His hips suddenly tilted back and were met with a pair of loins, that were thrusting just like his own. Without thinking he hit back again and the hips behind him answered.

It was addicting. Intoxicating. It invaded his every sense and he loved every minute of it. There was nothing more than the beat and Thor. Speaking of which. His hands had begun to wander and one of them was now under his shirt and resting on his belly, while his right hand was gripping his shoulder from behind. Loki's left arm was getting numb, resting on Thor's head upside down, but he couldn't bring himself to give one lousy fuck. He threaded it through the wavy blond mane and gave a slight moan, as Thor nosed over his pulse point, slowly working his way up. He let his head fall back and rest on the rugby player's shoulder.

Thor suddenly nudged Loki's chin with his, signaling for Loki to turn his head up a notch. Without thinking twice he did and was surprised to find a pair of blue eyes staring into his, instead of another pair of lips. His mouth stood slightly agape. He had expected Thor to be a straight forward guy. To take what he wanted. Maybe he wanted his counterpart to show him, if they consented. Well, did his counterpart reciprocate? Did Loki want to kiss him? Deciding to blame it on the alcohol (even though he only had had one drink, he knew that, _thank you very much_ ) and that it couldn't hurt to try, he just tilted his head upwards and sealed their lips together.

Thor turned him around without breaking their rhythm. He wound his arms around the shorter teens waist and pulled him close. Loki's own arms found themselves on Thor's shoulders and stayed there. It was a simple kiss really. Until it wasn't. He pressed his lips harder against Thor's and sneaked his tounge out to run it over the top of Thor's lip. Thor opened his own mouth and let Loki delve inside.

As an extrem opposite to the time they were grinding, Loki now heard, saw and felt everything around him. He felt as though everyone was staring at them. No one was though. They were still in their bubble. Without having noticed, Thor had taken control of the kiss and shifted their tounges, so they were mostly in Loki's mouth. Although he could imagine, everyone who did watch them had a pretty good show. Thor's hand had crawled to his bum and gripped it.

"Your piercings feel amazing.", Thor mumbled against his lips.

"Thanks. You're not so bad either.", Loki mumbled back.

"Do you want to get out of this shitload of people?"

"Yeah... I would like that."

Thor gripped his wrist and proceeded to drag him away, again. They ended up at the glass door outside in the garden. Thor broke into a fit of laughter, when he fell back against the cool material. Without knowing why, Loki joined in. After a few minutes their sides hurt and Thor had tears streaming down his face.

"Why are you laughing, Loki Laufeyson?", Thor said a little breathlessly.

"I don't know! You started it!", Loki wheezed back. When they had calmed down, they silenced and Loki's head came to rest on Thor's shoulder.

"I like you.", Thor said eventually.

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"What?"

"Loki Laufeyson. Why?"

"Well, its your name isn't it?"

"Yes, but no one else does it."

"Just because everyone else doesn't, does that mean I can't?"

At the moment it seemed like the most plausible explanation ever and Loki couldn't do anything but agree with it.

"... No, I guess it doesn't..."

 

**»»««**

 

When they felt like moving again, they retreated back inside. It was starting to get cold outside and Loki didn't have anything, but a thin leather jacket. They decided to walk up to one of guestrooms, because downstairs, were still about 60 people.

"Thor?", Loki started after they sat down on a two seat sofa. Thor took so long to answer, that Loki already thought he had fallen asleep.

"..Yes?"

"Why did want me to come?" It was bugging Loki to find out. Thor didn't know anything about him. He had only begun to notice him a few weeks ago and now they had been kissing like lovers and dancing like they had never done anything else.

"I thought, I already told you."

"You said, I was amazing."

"Wrong.", Thor interjected.

"What?"

" _Wrong_. I said you _are_ amazing. That's an important detail.", he corrected and something tickled in Loki's chest at that.

"You're ridiculous."

"I am."

"And what was the _real_ reason, you invited me? Because if it was a bet I'll hit you so hard in your balls, you won't be able to come for years."

People always thought telling someone a painful thing that happened in your past is hard. It's not. Dealing with the feelings is hard. Telling your mother, that the boy in school called you someone loser isn't hard, because your not involved. But when you have to actually tell your mother that you were bullied, you'll have to deal with a repetition of the scene in your mind, you'll think about what it was like, when he said that to you, you have to think about, what made him call you that. Was it something you did? Why didn't the other like you? Later on you will find out, that the duck calling you that, was a little boy with his own problem, who searched for someone even smaller than him, to make himself feel good.

"Are you kidding me? Why should make a bet, as to whom to invite to my parties?"

"I don't know. Happened before." It wasn't hard for Loki to tell Thor he had been prank-invited to a party before. He had distanced himself from it. He had learned, that you could trust almost no one. And that true friends were the most valued thing on earth.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, if I should say I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't."

 

**»»««**

 

They joined the party again, because Thor said his back was getting sore. Loki replied, that he was an old man. He was then chased through down the stairs, by a furious Thor, who kept shouting "Youths!"

Loki chuckled, when they reached the ground floor. He didn't think anyone even noticed, that they were gone. He checked his phone for messages. 3 missed calls. 2 messages. All from his father.

"Fuck.", he whispered.

Thor came up behind him. "What is it?"

"My father. I have to go."

"What, no. Why?"

"Because I didn't tell him, I'm here and... Just--- I can't explain that right now." And then he was gone.

 

**»»««**

 

When Thor saw him on monday, Loki didn't talk to him. That wasn't that much of a change, since they never really talked at school anyway. Thor decided that last saturday meant something, took the initiative and sat down next to Loki at lunch.

"You shouldn't sit here.", Loki said without looking up.

Thor's eyes grew wide."What, why on earth not?"

"You just shouldn't."

"You can't tell me not to sit here."

"I can. I just did." Loki chewed on a piece of chicken and checked his phone for messages.

"I can sit where ever I want."

"Yes, but I don't have to sit where you do."

"What is your problem?" Thor knit his brows together and stabbed an unsuspecting beefsteak.

"I don't have a problem.", Loki said nonchalantly.

"Well, you obviously do, judging by the way you're treating me."

"I'm not treating you any different than usual."

Thor had anger brooding in his stomach. Hot and ugly it made its way up his throat and his answer came out louder than planned. "Yes, but maybe you should!"

"Why?" Some heads were turned towards them. Not really subtle or anything. Just openly staring in interest.

"Because just the other day you kissed me like you... Like you..."

Loki stood up, leaving a desperate Thor and a staring mass of teenagers behind him. "But I don't." He didn't turn around, as he left.

 

**»»««**

 

Loki didn't actually _want_ to tell Tony about the thing at the cafeteria. It just sort of... happened. And against all expectations (note the sarcasm here) Tony was entirely helpful.

"You're an idiot.", he just said with an unbelieving smile on his lips and a head shake. His eyes were wide and his head was inched back.

"Not again..." Loki rolled his eyes.

"Yes, again! And I will keep repeating it, until you finally understand how stupid you are."

"I'm not stupid!", Loki shouted.

"Then why are you behaving like this?! Why do keep on wanting to destroy this little sprout of a loving, healthy relationship? That's not just not normal! Every time someone gets close to you, you keep them at a distance! Do you even want to know what it's like to love a person besides yourself?!" Tony was out of breath at the end of his speech.

Loki wouldn't stand around and listen to Tony insult him. He was a very proud person. His look darkened and before he could hold it back, everything crumbled around him and the words flew out of his mouth. "Oh, that's rich coming from you! Great Tony Stark, the one heir of Stark industries, the one with all the money and the stupid daddy complex, the one that gets everything and everyone and never has to work for anything!"

"Well, if you didn't notice I am in a _very_ good, healthy and loving relationship! I have been for the past year! And all you've done is stare at him and now, that he actually wants something, you just go and do something stupid to _fuck it up_!" Tony's fists were clenched at his sides and his eyes burned.

"Maybe I have reasons to do so!"

"They shouldn't matter if you _love_ him!"

Loki halted. His mind went over the phrase over and over again. In his mind he sounded like the most stereotypical teen he could imagine. With not being able to tell anyone about his boy and family problems. "... I'm not putting up with this shit."

 

**»»««**

 

"Why are you doing this to yourself?", Natasha sat on the wall surrounding their school and kicked her legs in the air.

"Doing what?", Loki gave her a questioning look. He always hoped those would work. Be smart and pretend to be stupid.

"You put yourself through hell. Go and tell someone about it." She let her head sink onto his stomach and he flinched.

"I can't." He rubbed the sore patch or skin on his belly and pushed her head a few inches upwards, so it lay on his chest.

"Move out.", she said simply.

"I _can't_ ", he insisted.

"Why not?"

"He'd find me."

"What would he do?"

"He'd kill me.", he whispered.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Wait until I'm 18 and then move so far away he will never ever gave a chance to find me again. "

"Well that's one hell of a plan."

"What do you expect me to do?!"

"I don't know! Talk to somebody, besides me of course, about this whole mess. I can't watch you do this to yourself."

"Then don't."

"I can't just look away."

"I'm not something to stare at."

"But you're my friend. And I don't want to see you get hurt." Natasha sounded desperate and it worried Loki. He looked into her eyes and saw his own soul. She was so afraid, that it shook his bones. It wasn't normal for her to show feelings this readable

"I can't change anything.", he said after a minute.

"You're afraid."

"Of course I am. I'm terrified."

"Then _why_ don't you do something?"

"Because nothing will change."

 

**»»««**

 

 Loki rubbed a bit of antiseptic on this upper arm and then covered it with a bandage. His father had come home from a business trip today and when Loki said, he needed money for the school trip, Laufey dragged him up the stairs by his hair. He said, if Loki wanted to go away, he needed to pay it himself. When Loki then told him, that he already took 2 shifts at the little comic book store the worked at, his father digged his nails in his upper arm so hard, he started bleeding.  
Laufey then proceeded to push him against the door of the living room and tell him, that he was a disappointment to the family and that he and his ratty friends would never bring it to anything.  
He went to his room without saying anymore. His father would leave in two days and Loki would be alone again. He had to buy food himself. His father said, that if he wanted to eat, he would need to bring up his own money for it.  
Loki liked the comic book store he worked at, but Laufey didn't. He didn't like anything in Loki's life.  
Granted he didn't even like Loki. He always called him his bastard son. He had married Loki's mother when he was 3 years old. When is mother had died she left them alone. Laufey apparently did not see the need of taking care of Loki. He had tried shoving him off at his grandparent's, but they simply didn't have enough money to feed another person. He knew they were sorry and he knew, it was just not possible. He had begun to accept his destiny long ago.  
He tried to stay positive though. Told himself that if he had to go through hell now, he would be happy later on. And that it would change, when he moved out. Laufey wouldn't... musn't find him. He had to go through just some more years. He'd done it until then, so why skip out now. It wasn't like wasn't used to it really.  
And if you see the positive side of it all, Loki now knew how to treat wounds better than the school nurse did.

 

When his father found out, that Loki was gay he bashed his head so hard on the table , that Loki couldn't go to school a few days. He had said, that it was just the flu. Natasha knew what was going on then and tried to make him leave, but he had always said, that he had to do this by himself and that Laufey would make him regret ever being born. Not that he didn't make him regret being born now, but it would be unimaginably bad, when Loki would do something as stupid as running away. Laufey had contacs all over the place and if he didn't find him first, they would.  
When Laufey found out, that he had been at Thor's party, Loki debated with himself whether he would go home or not. He had decided that it would just be worse, if he wouldn't go home right then.  
Loki didn't even expect Laufey to be home yet. He was supposed to be on a trip for another 3 days. Loki's jaw ached even 2 days after what his father had done to him. Laufey had said, that he was never going to be interacting with Thor anymore and Loki knew he wasn't kidding. If Laufey so much as heard that he had spoken to Thor, he himself would make sure, he never talked to anybody ever again. Loki had decided 2 more years in hell and then a life of freedom would be worth more, than losing everything he had over a mindless little crush.

 

Loki sighed. He had schoolwork to do. Now wasn't the time to loath in self pity.

 

**»»««**

 

Loki hadn't spoken to Tony in 5 days and toThor in 7. His only social contacts were his Laptop and Natasha. Maybe it wasn't that bad. It could be worse. His father could have been home for example. Or Thor could have tried to talk to him. He decided that his laptop was the most friendly option he had, he opened another tab and google searched information for his next essay. 

Ten minutes after starting his research, he recieved a message.

 _[03/21/14 message_ _from:_ _Unknown]_

 _I've decided you're_ _gonna stop ignoring me_

Loki frowned, while reading the text and decided to ignore it.

 _[03/21/14 message_   _from:_ _Unknown]_

_You sarcastic bastard._

He rolled his eyes, but didn't react any further.

 _[03/21/14 message_   _from:_ _Unknown]_

_If you don't want to talk to me that's fine._

_[03/21/14 message from: Unknown]_

_No wait. Actually, it's not._

_[03/21/14 message from: Unknown]_

_Okay, look- Whatever I've done to upset you, I'm sorry, but finally talk to me!_

_[03/21/14 message from: Unknown]_

_Please._

_[03/21/14 message from: Unknown]_

_C'mon you've reduced me to begging, look what you've done to me!_

_[03/21/14 message from: Unknown]_

_You know what. Fuck you. If you don't want to talk, at least open the fucking door. It's like -20°C out here._

Loki cursed inwardly. Castrating Tony for giving Thor Loki's number seemed too friendly all of sudden. He also knew Thor wouldn't just go and he decided it was best not to let the blond's balls freeze off. Even thought -20°C was absolutely overeacting. It was only like, what? 4°C? Loki was never bothered by cold anyway, so most of the time he didn't give a damn about the temperature. He got up after closing his laptop and wandered to the front door. 

The sight greeting him was almost enough to make feel pityful. Almost. But not quite.

"Will you let me in?"

Loki just stepped aside. Thor looked thankful and stepped into he hallway. 

"I know your father isn't here. So I decided to give it a shot and since you weren't answering any of my texts, I thought 'fuck it' and just came over."

"What a wise decision, you've come to", Loki murmured.

A bit louder he then said. "Look, what excactly do you want here? I was a bit busy at the moment actually, so if you don't mind--"

"But I do."

"What?"

"I do mind. I'm not going to let you throw me out."

This whole thing was getting sticky. Like acidentally getting glue on your fingers or having sand stuck on your hands. Loki had to swallow a lump in his throat, when he tried to answer.

"I-- Thor, I--- we can't do this.", he said desperately

"Why not?", Thor asked back stupidly

"I just can't!", he repeated, growing louder.

"Why not!", Thor shouted

"Because he'd kill me!"; Loki screamed. "Because I value my life and because I can't stand this! I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you because of me! And once I'm dead, he will come after you! He would come after you and then he would kill you, too. Or do worse. I can't do this, Thor, I can't...", he sobbed eventually. 

Thor stared into his eyes and then stepped forward to evelop Loki into a crushing hug. He tried to soothe him by constantly saying "Shhh...", but it only made Loki want to push him away, but he simply didn't have the power to do so anymore. So he let himself be held. Thor began rocking him back and forth. 

"We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna move away. He'll never get to you again. I won't let him hurt you ever again. Never."

"We can't.", Loki sniffed.

But Thor shut him up with a kiss. He softly moved his lips over Loki's. he tried not to be too insistend, afraid he'd break him if he was being too rough. There was a hidden desperation in his movements and he tried to gently guide Loki back to clarity. Loki tried to pull away, but Thor wouldn't let him. He kept kissing Loki, as though he wanted to steal the oxygen from his lungs. he only stopped, when he saw little white points on the edges of his vision and his head swam. He pushed his forehead to Loki's and whispered: "Don't run away from me, Loki Laufeyson."

"I'm not. I don't want to. I don't want to run away." Loki pushed his face into Thor's chest and breathed in the soothing scent of mahogany wood and sunshine and fresh leaves.

"It's okay, baby. I'll take you away."

"You can't.", Loki mumbled into Thor's soft shirt. "He would find us."

"Let's not worry about that now... When will he be back?"

"Thursday."

"Then we've got all the time in the world."

Thor dragged Loki over to the sofa and pulled hm down beside him. Loki fell down and let his head sink onto Thor's shoulder. 

"Why can't I have nice things, Thor?"

"Don't say that, you have me now, don't you? I think that's definitely something positive, isn't it?"

"You're much too sure of yourself...", Loki mumbled.

Thor just laughed and Loki felt it in his whole body.

"C'mon... The sofa is too damn uncomfortable.", Loki said and dragged the blond boy upwards. "Lets go to my room."

Thor almost fell over, when he heard that. Loki laughed and said "I don't want to fuck you, you daft idiot. I told you, not to be too sure of yourself. Are you accustomed to people taking you to bed after they cried in your presence?"

Thor flushed a bit and his ears tinted pink. Loki smiled and walked up the stairs. His room was a light shade of gold with green drapes in front of his windows. Even though you didn't really see much of his wall, because it was hung with a shitload of posters and photos. Loki locked is door and sat down on the windowstill and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. He opened the window and took a pack of matches to light the stick hanging between his lips. 

"You shouldn't be doing that." Thor sat down on Loki's bed. 

"I'm doing a lot of stuff, I shouldn't."

"Like?"

"Letting you into my house. Talking to you." Loki let the smoke out of his mouth while talking. And then breathed the rest out through his nose. Thor found that much hotter, an he should have. He tried to shut the thoughts out of his head and wait until they were more appropriate. He stared Loki and had to smiled. The last bit of sunshine splashed through the window on top of Loki's black strands and gave him the impression of being a dark angel. He watched the smoke curl around Loki's head and when Loki let himself fall back against the wall and close his eyes with a smile, he thought he has never seen anything more beautiful. Thor began to grin and stood up, walking over to Loki and standing beside him nudging his shoulder. 

"What?" Loki looked up.

"I like you."

"I know. Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I can't say what I really want to."

Loki threw his cigarette out of the window and took a piece of chewing gum between his teeth. Then he walked back to Thor and waited. 

Thor glanced into his peridot-green eyes and he couldn't seem to stop smiling. He grabbed Loki by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a fierce kiss. He could feel the heat radiating off Loki's skin, where the sun had shone on it and his tounge tasted the sweetest sin on earth, when it probed Loki's mouth. 

Loki himself felt like he lost all his weight and floated through the universe, that was Thor's eyes. He broke away with gasp and slung his arms across Thor's neck and he placed his head in the other's neck and breathed in the calming scent.

"I don't know about you, but I'm knackered.", he said eventually.

"So...", Thor began.

"Maybe I should go..." And "Would you like to stay here?" Came out at the same time. 

They laughed and then started anew. 

"So. Would you like to stay here, or do you want to go home?"

"I... I'd like to stay. I'll sleep on the couch, of you want.", Thor spluttered. 

"Nonsense. Come on." 

And so they ended up beside each other in bed. Lying on their sides and watching each other intently until Thor opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Loki just chuckled and crawled closer. Thor let out breath and wound his arm around Loki's middle. Thor pressed a small kiss to the other's mouth and pulled Loki impossibly closer. Loki turned the light off and turned back to Thor, making himself comfortable in the other's arms. He closed his eyes and started to drowse. 

A few minutes later, after Loki had long since started to sleep, Thor began to whisper: "You're not worthless. I know you think you are, but you're not. You are such an imporant person and I want you to know, that you matter to so many people, even if you don't realise it, but you matter. You matter to Tony and you matter to Natasha and... and you matter to me, Loki. You mean so much to me and I... I think I..."

Thor cringed, when Loki whispered into the darkness: "Don't." 

 

**»»««**

 

They woke up at the crack of dawn with barely any light in the room. The fog was still thick outside the window and pink glow of the sunrise shone softly through the heavy curtains. Thor tightened his arm around the figure beside him. Loki breathed in deeply and buried his head in Thor's chest. 

He looked up and blinked sleepily at Thor, who just smiled hesitantly and tipped down his head so he could give Loki a kiss. Loki had to smile dopey. 

"Hello."

"...Hi."

"How did you sleep?"

"Better than I imagined I would."

"Oh what a charmer you are. Coffee?"

Thor shook his head and said: "I'd much rather stay here..." He ducked his head to latch onto Loki's neck. 

"No visible marks. Please..."

Loki's eyes fell closed and Thor didn't stop. 

Thor. Didn't. Stop.

"Thor. Thor stop!" He pushed him away with as much force, as he could muster.

Thor just laughed and stopped. "What?", he asked when he had calmed down. 

Loki had jumped out of bed and stood in front of his mirror with tears of frustration in his eyes. He had his head thrown aside and looked at his neck fanatically.

"What did you do? You dickhead! I told you to stop! Why didn't you listen to me?!", Loki shouted.

Thor jumped up and jogged over to Loki, who was still furious. "Loki! Loki calm down! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. We can fix this, okay? We'll fix this. We'll fix it."

Loki collapsed in front of the mirror and leaned back against it. "How? How do you want to fix this?! You can't fix this! You can't fix this and you can't fix me! And most of all, you can't fix my father! You can't fix anything he's done and I'm so sick of everyone saying 'Just walk away' and 'Do something about it'! No! I can't just _'walk away'_! He'd find me and he'd get me and he'd kill me! He'd kill me..."

Thor sat beside him and drew the black haired teen into his arms. "I won't allow him to. You'll move in with us and he won't get to you. We'll tell the police about it and it will stop. He'll be locked up until the day he dies and he won't hurt you anymore. I'll get you out of this, Loki Laufeyson. I'll get you out of this." Thor's voice had calmed Loki down, even thought his words were sweet nothings to his brain, they reassured him. "Promise me you'll come with me and then we'll go to the police. Promise me that."

Loki nodded. He couldn't help it. It was a chance to get out of this hellhole.

"Why are you doing this to me?", Loki asked. "... For me?"

Thor chuckled warmly. "I tried to tell you yesterday, but you wouldn't let me."

"But you can't..."

"I can't what?"

"You can't just tell me you... That. We haven't even... You barely now me!"

"One doesn't need to know the love of their life, to love them."

"But I'm not the love of your life!"

"Why not?"

"Because just 3 weeks ago, you didn't even know I _existed_! You can't just see me one day and then decide, that I'm the love of your life! It doesn't work that way!"

"Why not? Why can't I choose, whom I love by myself? Why should I allow you to decide, if I love you or not?" Thor stood up and dragged Loki with him. He grabbed his shoulders and shook him a bit, until Loki looked at him. "I can't tell you why I noticed you just now, or why I only realised a few weeks ago, that I love you. And maybe that's my fault ("It  _is_ your fault."), but I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't here before, to comfort you and get you out of here, but I'm now! So let me help you. Let me get you out of here. Please." 

Loki went still for a moment, before grabbing Thor by his shoulders and pull him in for a desperate kiss. 

"Say it.", he panted when he broke away.

"I love you." And it felt like freedom. 

Loki drew Thor back to the bed.

"Again.", he gasped.

"I love you." And it felt like peace.

Loki clasped his top and lifted it above his head and Thor almost had to flinch at the bruises he saw there. They were big and black-blue and yellow and green and they looked like they hurt more than Loki probably liked to admit. The black haired teen saw his distress and put a hand on his cheek, smiling and lifting Thor's head upwards again. 

"It's okay. They'll go away. They always do."

Thor swore himself to get Loki away and never let such a thing happen to him again, he eventually lifted his own t-shirt and then put his arms around Loki and kissed his shoulders and neck, while Loki lay one hand into the blonds neck and the other on between his shoulder blades, to guide Thor where he wanted.

"Again.", he demanded

"I love you." And it felt like home. 

Loki lay back on his bed, while Thor got rid of his boxers and crawled over to Loki. When he had him in his arms again, he kissed Loki for all he was worth and tried to chase every taste Loki had in there. He slowly made his way down the other's body. Kissed his cheek, his jaw and licked a stripe down his neck. Loki let out breathy sounds and little moans, that drove Thor wild. When he was finally down to Loki's chest, he bit and sucked so many love bites into his skin, that they looked like one. 

"Again."

"I love you." And it felt like power.

Thor smiled against Loki's stomach and descended further until he had reached his boxers and tugged them down with his teeth, ever so lightly dragging his over Loki's cock making the other boy hiss. Thor took the underwear and threw it off to an unidentifiable destination, he then proceeded to kiss  _just_ out of reach from where Loki really wanted him to. Frustrated Loki bucked up to Thor's mouth, which only caused Thor to grin cheekily and look up at Loki through thickly lashed eyes. Thor worked his way up again quickly. When he was over Loki's face again and when he started into his eyes and when Loki said: "Again." And when it was so clear it almost broke Thor's heart, he said it another time.

"I love you." And that's what it was. Love. So absolute. So pure. So sincere. So complete, that there was no questioning Thor's words.

Loki wound himself out of Thor's grip just to roll over and open his bedside drawer to grab a bottle of lube and opening the cap.

"How do you want to do this?", Thor asked.

"I don't know. I've never done it before. I thought you might be the smart one for once..." Loki drew up a slim eyebrow. Thor swatted his bum a bit and drew him into his arms again. 

"Turn around, you cheeky little shit.", Thor smiled.

Loki smiled back and turned onto his belly. He heard Thor shuffling around and then settle. He already anticipated the first probe of Thor's finger and still flinched, at the feeling of the cold substance at his entrance. Thor gently probed the muscle with his index finger, still hesitant. 

"Come on, before I change my mind.", Loki breathed, but he was abruptly silenced, when, Thor shoved his finger in up to the second knuckle. He let out a dragged out moan and clawed at the sheets.

"Changed your mind yet?", Thor chuckled, but Loki knew, he wanted to know if he was still sure and still wanted to go through with this. 

"Shut up.", Loki replied instead. He pushed down on Thor's fingers and threw his head back, when they grazed his prostate. "More.", he gasped 

Thor obliged and added another finger. His hand was resting beside Loki's head, when he leaned down to kiss him again. Loki was sweating every muscle in his body was starring to tense up. "That's enough. Enough. Stop and fuck me. Please!", Loki finally said and to Thor it was like redemption. He drew back his fingers and rolled a condom over his own prick. He placed himself at Loki's entrance and pushed just the slightest bit. 

"Oh get on with it! I'd like to do this before the next century starts please!", Loki exclaimed and with that, he decided to take the matters into his own hands and bore down until the head of Thor's cock had slipped in. Thor immediately screwed his eyes together and moaned. Loki screwed his eyes closed, too, but less in enjoyment and more in pain. 

"Are you okay? I can stop if you want.",Thor asked politely, even though his voice sounded quite strained.

"No, don't stop. Keep going... Just slow okay?"

"Oh, not so rushed anymore now?", Thor questioned mockingly.

"Shut up, let's see how well you'll take something up your arse next time."

Thor chuckled and thrusted forward a bit. He kept on those little movements until he was fully sheathed in Loki, making little breaks whenever Loki looked uncomfortable. But as soon as the tip of his prick touched Loki's prostate and the black haired teen moaned in delight, he started fully thrusting in long luxurious strokes. Slowly but surely everything got better. Loki suddenly didn't feel pain anymore. He didn't have a problem with his abusive father anymore and he didn't fight with his best friend. He didn't feel anything and everything was packed into thick wool. Until the pleasure crashed in. And he felt everything. Every molecule that exploded in his body and every star in the universe was bursting into oblivion like fireworks. He could hear Thor moaning and he could feel himself tightening around the other. He had the sudden urge to devour Thor and so he did. He grabbed the blond's neck and pulled him down for a searing kiss. Thor hit his prostate with almost every thrust and Loki loved every second. 

All too soon for Loki's liking Thor grunted out: "I'm close. I'm so close."

Loki grabbed his own prick and started wanking furiously. After a few strokes Thor batted his hand away and began pumping Loki himself. He sweated profoundly and the sweat mingled with the precum at the base of his cock, which made jerking off considerably easier. And one-two-three-four more thrusts later, Thor grunted out a name similar to Loki's and started coming deep inside him. Loki only took some more strokes himself before white stripes painted his belly. His head was thrown back and he came silently with his mouth wide open and his eyes screwed close. 

Thor fell down beside Loki mere seconds later and after he had walked to the bin and disposed the used condom he grabbed a few tissues from Loki's desk and cleaned Loki gently, who just let his head fall back against the cushions in a deep exasperated sigh. 

"What am I going to do?", he asked

"About what?"

"About my father! Surprisingly your cock hasn't solved any of my problems!"

Thor slung an arm around the other and pulled him close. He softly mouthed over Loki's face. 

"We'll go away. Or you'll move in with me. My parents would love you."

"I- you can't do that.", Loki argued.

"Yes, I can. And while we're talking about this, I rather think you should start packing, I thought your father is going to be home tomorow."

"Do you really think I can?"

Thor just gave im an incredulous look and said: "Would I have asked you in the first place, if I had thought it wasn't okay for you to come with me?"

Loki just looked at him for a long time and then nodded quietly. "Okay."

Thor took his hand and said: "Then let's get going."

Loki had to smile and then shook his head.

"I can't believe, I'm actually doing this." 

 

**»»««**

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want i might continue this with a second chapter, which would come out after the next chapter of 'Being what it's supposed to be' (so go check that out if you want)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a good day!  
> PS: i played "how many movie/series refrences can i put in a text of about 9,000 words"


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